Roommate Reviews
Interview By Vanessa Handford, Katie Heindl & Pat Maloney



“I was like put on your karate robe and stand in front of those glowing bridges please” - VH
 

I

n the early issues of The Wa, there was always a spread with art reviews. What people thought about books, albums, films... you know what art reviews are. In the age of everyone having an opinion that's readily shareable in half a second to a zillion people I decided to initiate a bit of a paradigm shift in the way we approach reviews and review things that aren't art. Well, this is that. -Ed

Jesse “Devil Sticks” Collier

By Vanessa Handford

Once upon a time, before Nintendo Wii and Furbies, there was a game that superseded our materialistic ways and peered back at our ancestors who, I’m sure, came up with it first. It’s tricky and satanic. I’m talking about Devil Sticks.

If you don’t know what devil sticks are, you were either born in 2005 or have suffered memory loss from all the Youtube and alcohol your young body has sustained thus far. Since I’m willing to bet at least 70% of people reading this are the latter, I’ll recap. Devil Sticks are a delicious circus art that involves juggling a tasselled baton between two “control sticks”. The most popular manoeuver of the Devil stick is called the Pendulum in which one alternates the baton up and down using their right and left hands. This simple motion is the basis for other tricks.

Anyway, one lowly Tuesday evening Pat- rick and I decided to take a well deserved break from eating pizza and donuts all day by coming to my house to drink a bunch of tall cans. My new roommate Jesse came downstairs with his $39.99 vaporizer and suggested we smoke some. On our way Patrick got a glimpse of his devil sticks propped up in the corner of the room and got totally mind-fucked.

“Oh, those?” I said, “Yeah, one time, my roommate competed with devil sticks to the Mortal Kombat theme.” In awe Patrick of course wanted to see. A few vaporiser bowls later, the devil sticking began.

Jesse’s form was immaculate for someone who hadn’t handled devil sticks competitively in over half a decade. As the techno beat thumped about Kitana and Raiden, Friendships and Fatalities, Mortals and Demons, Jesse devil sticked his dick off.

The first chorus went smoothly. Jesse pendulum’d like a guillotine, flipping the baton into a very impressive helicopter. However the second chorus crept up a little soon for our warrior and he fumbled the baton. Jesse was swift to recover. Patrick and I leaned forward in gut wrenching anticipation (and laughter) as our meticulous artist displayed the Devil’s Triangle. By the end of the routine, we were breathless and satisfied. Our night was made. How many people can say they live with someone who truly excells at devil sticks?

Greg "I Hate That" Denton
By Katie Heindl

I have lived with Greg Denton for over a year and every day is a gift bag filled with discount coupons for laughter and self-affirmation. Unlike most people I know his initial reaction to everything is excitement, openness, and joy otherwise known as just being totally “into it” instead of disdain, skepticism and that stupid snort-scoff nose we all make like congested, bored horses. Maybe you are thinking this makes him naive but you are wrong, because it makes him a fucking angel. However, when Greg does get irked by something it’s at really confusing, endearing things and it’s so fucking cute you can hardly handle it.


BTO’s, “Taking Care of Business”: “It sounds like someone’s uncle three sheets to the wind and yelling in your ear. The chorus is just them repeating the name of the song over and over.”

No Frills: “Not enough frills.”

The CBC radio mini-drama ‘Afghanada’: When he hears the promos for this show he throws his hands up in the air and makes this noise like someone fed-up at their kitten for playing with their shoe- laces and yells, “Yeah like I have been waiting all week to hear what’s going to happen,” pauses in case we didn’t get it and says, “Nobody listens to that show!”

Calum "Cuppa Joe" Murray-Lawson
By Pat Maloney

There’s a guy in the basement of my house named Calum. Some know him as ‘Claum’ because one of our ex-roommates faked her kidnapping and sent him a txt that said “claum plz” (Ed: true story). Benefits of living with Claum include free coffee whenever I want because he’s involved with an espresso mafia or some shit, finding bizarre stuff on YouTube and playing skateboards. We usually drink in his basement even though we have a perfectly fine living room. Claum also has a deep fryer. he came home with one day. I’ve witnessed him deep fry everything from steak to M&M’s. Also one time our friend deep fried a stick of butter and ate the whole thing. Ron Mexico, our other roommate’s cat, is afraid to go down there simply because drinking and debauchery frightens its little cat eyes. This is the same basement I walked in on APOW and the devil himself having sex in. There were a lot of pentagrams and candles but that shit’s pretty common in the basement.

Originally published in Winter 2010, Issue 5.1.